The living dead.

There are things going on in my head which I can't even trust Muth with, so without naming names, I'm telling you, the anonymous hordes of the internet.

I'm currently a wreck. Since Sunday night, I've been in somewhat of a bad mood. Hearing certain things which gives me certain ideas, and then those ideas being amplified by certain things said. It's comidial in a way how I've brought about my own downfall in the past, entierly by own hand. Now it seems as though other people may be pushing this downfall further.

Things said, supporting and contradicting things previously said. This is what makes me angry.
Also, certain people agrivate me, and I still act as though they were friends. They probably know how much they anger me, and how I see them, but fuck them.

If I had it my way, I wouldn't even be leaving my room anymore, but curiosity drives me to find out what a certain something means: "Nothing's right, everything's wrong." I know somethings wrong, and it's natural for me to need to know what's wrong, especially seeing as it concerns someone close to me.
//sigh

Time to watch more HEROES with Sam, then go home and watch some Japanese Cult Cinema. Can anyone say "Suicide Club"? :D!





I hope the Hordes know that this blog was a one-off.
>__________>

deceased

My blog is deceased, and I am giving it up.
I am sick of blogging, and I rarely do it at all anymore.

If you want to know how I feel, just ask.
I'll update my conversations, and moods, more often than any blog.


Goodbye Blogspot, you have been good to me.

Posty post post

Oh shit, it's been quite some time since I've posted a blog. I'm thinking I should just stop blogging, but I won't.

The last blog, which was a while back was about my angst, and this one will be about the opposite. Here goes:

I'm happiest when watching anime, or with friends, or eating. Even sad anime (like Voices From A Distant Star) makes me happy, which pretty much just shows how much I do enjoy anime. Recently, I've spent the vast majority of my time watching anime. I borrowed a shit load from Sam, and I've watched the most of it. Currently I'm watching Bleach, and for someone who wasn't originally a fan of Bleach, (or Gundam, but I ended up watching all 49 episodes of Gundam Wing, and enjoying them), Bleach has really grown on me and I enjoy it quite a bit. I'm watching the third box currently, and soon Sam will have the forth box, and we will watch it all in one day.

Hoopla.

Friends have been a big part of my life lately. Most days I see at least one friend, weather it be at school, or otherwise. Just before I posted the angsty blog, I attended a picnic to commemorate the anniversary of Kieran's birth. It was nice, sitting around with friends, climbing a tree, and making new friends. Afterwards, we went to Gaffney's house for a gathering, and this was nice and fun. We intended to go and visit our good friend, Julia Farr, but then we walked around her house instead and did not go and see her. SHAME.

The weekend following, was the debut/test game of Adelaide Assassins. Simply, you dress in black, get a spoon and projectile (water-gun/nerf-gun), take a photo of ones self, and eliminate your target, in a public location (we played the East half of Rundle Mall). It's not as easy as it sounds, I didn't even make a single kill.

The weekend just gone, began with helping Chris with his geography assignment. We surveyed some kind people about how much they love using the o-bahn.It was okay. I then went to Joe's house with Matt and Kieran, and we played Wii, and put a sofa in the middle of the street.

FRIENDS ARE IMPORTANT GUYS

I'm really looking forward to coffee and cake with Steph tomorrow during our frees.


Oh, I got my phone back, but seeing as it's a brand new handset, I am in desperate need of numbers. Text me with your name, and then converse with me and what not.
If you're an anonymous follower, this is even better! I do enjoy making friends.
Oh, if you're a reader and I don't talk to you, text me also. I will be nice and converse too.
0433372544

Yeah, pasta.

I've thought about a lot of things today, and none of them have been all too pleasant. I realized how easy some things can irritate me, how certain people make me feel, and that I hate things, really easily. I miss things I've never had, and I want things I've thrown away. It seems as though my life is one massive mistake, a never ending contradiction.

This blog will be about my angst (insert LiveJournal joke).

I feel alone most of the time (when I'm not, I'm in the presence of a few particular people), and as weird as it sounds, I feel as though most of my issues would seem some what irrelevant if I had a girlfriend. Lately I've been longing for that feeling of "being with" someone. I don't really know why, I guess I just want that connection. I know my track record with dating is awfully pitiful, and by no means am I proud of it, but, yeah. I don't know.

Most of you would know that I grew up resenting my father, and as a result I've never had a real father figure. I walk home from town some times, and if I catch a different bus from town, I walk through a park. Both ways, I often see fathers with their son's, and I get sad. Because I've never had a father figure, I don't know what to expect, but I know what I'd like. That's why I'm going to be the fucking greatest dad ever.

All in good time.

Sometimes I think it would be good if everything started all over again. In the anime, The Big O, all the citizen's of Paradigm City (a fictional city, main setting for the show) lost all their memories forty years before the beginning of the series. I wish something like that would happen in real life. Everyone would forget everything they ever knew, all their relationships, and everything. Sure, we'd be able to get some kind of lingering feeling from things like Facebook, and photos, but we'd just start fresh. Initially we'd find comfort in each other due to the loss of everything, and grudges we'd have now would be gone. Sure, we'd be alone, but we'd come together quite quickly.

I'm going to bed now, or soon, and watching 5 Centimeters Per Second. It's sad, and that's what I want right now.

Rage

My own demons are those fueled by anger. This is why I am not at school, and probably won't be for the rest of the week. Whoever has seen me at my peak knows about what I become. Some people (or if you read the earlier blogs) will know about Demi-Justin. Demi-Justin and Omni-Justin (the name for the calm Justin) have merged into one being now, which is incredibly unfortunate.

I want to be around you, when you're at your worst. When your anger is uncontrollable, that's, when I want to be around you most.

I don't understand, please elaborate.

This was a Formspring Comment I replied to about twenty minutes ago. I don't understand why someone would want to be around such a monster, or around me at all.

Some friends and I decided that we'd beat our fears this year, and sure, I can beat my fear of heights, but the fear of myself won't be beaten all too easily.

Everything seems to intimidate him,

Fact: The title has nothing to do with this blog, it's just been a long time simce I've listened to Enter Shikari

Well, I'm in town because home is boring, and I'm not meeting anyone until about 1:30, so for the time being I'm in OZ Net.

I'll start things off with a bit of controversy, I'm starting things off regarding For Your Health.
Note, this isn't an attack against the band, or it's close fans (eg Beth). I think it's about time that I explain that status I posted about a fortnight ago (FYH gives me a bad impression of straight edge kids), so here it is:
Some people took that status as "I don't like straight edge people, so I don't like FYH", but that is not the case. FYH does give me a bad impression of straight edge, but that's because of the way they act. I have nothing against the members for being edge, and I have nothing against them at all. The exception to this is, unless they've something against me, or abused me personally. The hositilty between FYH, and the haters has gone on enough, as it had gone on long enough. Sure, I initated it, and this is the only thing I regret. I'd appretiate some kind of nuetrality, but that's up to the members of FYH.
In no way is this an apology, so don't take it as one, it's mearly an explination. Don't expect me to apologize either.
I still want my four-hundred posters though.

PSYCHJUSTIN
Alot of this FYH stuff has gotten me pretty angry lately, but not all of my rage was on behalf of FYH.

We'd really appreciate it if you stopped hanging round with Steph because we don't want your monotoned voice lurking around us.

Such demanding requests, which I'll be choosing to ignore.
You can't tell me who I can and cannot associate with, and even then, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't hang around Steph whilst she's with For Your Health and stuff anyway.
Good day.

Figure one, a formspring "question" recieved Friday night.

Normally, I accept abuse, but this is just too far. This person had the nerve to tell me who I can and cannot be friends with. Sure, Clare did the same thing while her and I were dating last year, but not to the extent that this person did.After I read this, I was actually shaking with rage, and as I type this now, I can also feel an onset of anger.

He said 'You' meaning he was referring to me, you know, the person that stated who they were. School really isn't your thing, I understand that not everyone can be intelligent, but the rationality of a 5 year old shouldn't be commonplace for a 16 year old by FurYurHelth

I'm shaking, but not in fear.
You should keep your noses out of places where they're not welcome.

Figure two, a "question" left by FYH sometime during Saturday

Now, most of you would know how much I hate things like this. Turns out when I started at Glenunga, they begun asking around about me, because they didn't think to ask me myself.

Anger is unhealthy as it is, and thankfully, not many people have born witness to me at the peak of my rage, but if this hostility continues with FYH it will be unleashed, beyond any control I have put in place.

Love.

Oh wow,

This whole no-having-internet-at-home-unless-I-succumb-to-dial-up thing is going great!

I've been sitting in my room lots, watching anime, and listening to music. I've just stopped playing HeartGold because it's kind of boring now.

Oh, I've found something fantastic in the anime department.

Everybody, meet Makoto Shinkai:

He's the guy who's behind three of my favorite movies at the moment,

5 Centimeters Per Second/

She and Her Cat/Kanojo to Kanojo no neko (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBD5D040D44)

The Place Promised in Our Early Days

Uh, they're pretty fucking amazing.

I'M GOING TO GO AND CRY U GUIZE

or something

I'm kind of

Hungry.

I need to get my usb from Gaffney.



Oh, Anon isn't the internet's hate machine anymore.
In response to some Formpsring questions I've been receiving, I'm calling FYH the internet's hate machine.


Oh, and the internet has lost a lot of it's appeal.

Oh, hello.
 
I thought I'd let the internet know that this is now an international blog, as I have readers from Europe and the USA.
 
Hello to:

• New York, Brooklyn
• California, Palo Alto
• New Jersey, Denville
• Maine, Bangor
• Sweeden, Bromma
• Poland, Rzeszow
• Ukraine, Sumy
• Turkey, Mugla

 
Oh, need I mention the visits from Australia (Adelaide, Perth, Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane)?
 
 
 
Who ever views my blog using IE, upgrade damnit.

---

Find it on Domain.com.au Need a new place to live?

hobby:

Mocking For Your Health.
It seems mocking FYH is the new social fad, and we don't care. I'm normally against fads, but this one I am a full part of.
My involvement began on Thursday, when upon arriving at the dreaded educational institution, I saw a piece of paper saying FOR YOUR HEALTH, to which I facepalmed, and continued walking. I went inside the main building, and saw the same piece of paper stuck everywhere.
Cue Rage.

Oh, since then things have been fine.

Friday
Friday was the first of four days spent handing out resumes. Basically, I'm trying to find a job of 25+ hours, in order for me to leave school for the remainder of the year. Muth joined me for the day, leaving his car at my house, then walking with me into the city. We met up with Jono and Tom later, as with Hannah, Ella, Mickey, Chris, Debbie and Steph later. Resumes were handed out, and chilling was had. Oh, Nick came too, and then everyone left except for Debbie, Steph, Muth, Nick and I. We were standing outside the train station for quite some time, waiting for some of Muth's university friends, because they were spending all their hard earned money on alcohol at bars, and destroying their livers. Yay! Uh, I walked around with Debbie and Steph for a while afterwards, because Nick left, and Muth went to go drinking.
Saturday
Saturday was dandy.
Uh, I went to town and handed out more resumes. I saw Debbie and Steph in town, and Debbie and I went to the museum. The exhibit we saw, Before and After Science is now gone.
Sunday
More resumes. Yeah.
Oh, I saw Chris and Arlen.
And Megan for a bit.
Today
Nothing of interest happened, except more resumes.



PSYCHJUSTIN
Oh wow! I'm introducing a name for the emotional part of my blog, PSYCHJUSTIN. Basically, It's a name. It's still emotional, and now it's also hardcore.

As stated in my previous blog, things have been weird ever since I returned from that camping trip. Now I'm fixing things.
Ever since we returned, I avoided Steph, for no real reason at all. Sure, things were said, and they did hurt, but that didn't excuse me for how I was acting. Now, we're talking again, which is good. We've agreed that alcohol was a bad idea for the trip, and I stand by that.

These thoughts in my head probably will bring about my end. I'm thinking about things I want, and things I need. What I want and what I need are basically the same. Yeah, fuck.


Oh, whoever still uses IE to view my blog, get out.

forwardslashsigh

Turns out I can't upload an image to blog in the Burnside Library.

My life is going nowhere. Ruin isn't a direction.
I'm miserable alot of the time, and I don't really see a simple way out of this. Here's a summery of everything since my last blog, roughly a fortnight ago.

Camping
To celebrate Matt's seventeenth birthday, Hannah, Stephanie, Matt and I went camping at Deep Creek. I told Steph that I like her, talked to Patrick because he wouldn't talk to Steph, for she was drunk, and got yelled at by a former close friend, Sam. My phone also broke. That night was actually really bad.
The following day, Matt, Steph and I went for a hike to the waterfall, in which I jumped, because my fear of heights stopped my from jumping onto the uneven rock surface. We went back to Adelaide soon after.

The Return to School
Never have I felt so alone. I have alientated absolutely everyone. I've talked to pretty much no one this term, aside from Feng in Legal and Peter in homegroup.
As my auntie said, why should I stay if it's making me unhappy?

Uh, I'm going home.

Internet Explorer fags, look no further!

Recently I've learnt that there are some people who view my blog using Internet Explorer, the default Web Browser of Windows Operating systems, and even Google Chrome. This is a blog for those people, about how to update to a good browser (my favourite mainstream browser anyway), Mozillia Firefox 3.6.

First step, is to uninstall Internet Explorer/Chrome. Do note that Chrome is good for one thing, and one thing only, Incognito Browsing, making it fantastic for watching porn discreetly.

Secondly, go to http://www.mozilla-europe.org/en/firefox/

Next, click here:
Then just follow the prompts throughout the installation process!
Done!

NOTE: If you haven't uninstalled IE yet, do it now.

I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCESS

It's been about a fortnight since my last post. Here is a detailed telling of the updates in my life since.

Real Life
Last weekend was full of physical activity.

Originally Lilly and Muth come over here Friday night (26/3/10), but Lilly was not allowed to come, so instead I stayed at Muth's, and as Chris had payed his Paintball deposit, but was not going, I borrowed $35 from my aunt, and went in his place.
Paintballing was held fifteen miniutes outside of Bethel, which is about half an hour North of Gawler. Attending, was Will, Jeremy, Muth, Hannah, Tom, Matt, Joe, Nick and myself. We started off by playing against some twelve year olds, and needless to say, we dominated. We then had our group, split into two teams, one of five people, and the other of four (they had their first person to get hit re-spawn). We went on with this for a while, until lunch. At it was a barbeque, meaty lunch, I ate salad, and felt nausious, so I sat out the last game. At it happened, the last game was a 2 v 2 v 2 v 2 match.
After that was over, we all went back to Metropolitan Adelaide. We sang in the car, and stuff. We also threw cans at Nick's car, and used Matt's pants as a flag.
We then arrived at my place, and Hannah, Joe, Muth and I ate some delicious cake. Matt and Joe had sex, and Muth joined in, and eventually Hannah got raped. I then put on Evangelion 1.01 and everyone stopped, and watched the amazingness. We made so much Mi Goreng (eight packets, two packets each. Muth did not want any) and ate it, and then went to Glenunga. Matt, Joe and I climbed over the roofs, and it was fun.
People then left, and I was alone.

-Muth with two bruises after a day of Paintballing

The following day was the day of C8 - Flagging in Progress (http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=37989061818). Capture the Flag is a game of speed, strategy, and fun. The goal is to capture the opposing teams flag, while still having your teams flag at the "base".The tagging system works with straps hanging from the waist line (commonly, tucked into the pants), and when pulled out, the person has been tagged, and must return to their "base" to resume play. C8 was held in a park, just South of Rymil Park. The weather was wet, and cloudy, which made the game so much more intense. The dirt was slippery mud, the creek through the field was flowing. Muth was elected team leader, as the original blue team leader was absent. The first two captures were scored by the blue team (courtesy of Michael and Mitch), with the following three done by the red team. The game was fast, intense, and incredibly amazing.

-Post Game, group photo

-Bridge Skirmish-Rocket Balloon Assault!-Congregation of the Blue Team

Be sure to come to the next Adelaide Capture the Flag event, so join the group!
After CTF, Muth, Chris, Michael, Nganga, Muth, Ella, Hannah, Matt, Joe, Kieran, Brelsford and I went back into Rundle Mall. We had celebratory Hungry Jacks with members of the both the Red Team and Blue Team, and then Muth, Kieran, Matt, Joe and I went to Oz Net. We played an hour of Left 4 Dead 2 (which is uncensored by the way) in a versus match. Hannah and Ella were there, but not playing.
Everyone then left, which left Hannah, Ella and I in town. Hannah decided to go home, when Ella and I decided to go to my place of residence so her father could pick her up. When her father arrived, Ella was changing in my room, which I happened to be in. Her father now assumed Ella and I slept together.

Hello holidays. The break is well needed, and homework will not be done.
Why won't homework be done?
I bought Pokémon HeartGold! I've spent a majority of my time since I bought it Tuesday afternoon playing it. I started with Cindaquil, and now I don't even use my Typholosion (aside from the Pokéathalon). I'm up to the Pokémon League, and I don't plan to challenge it for a while yet. I'm making a team of level 60's with types corresponding to the core types of the Elite Four (Ice, Poison, Fighting, Dark) and Champion Lance (Dragon), and their EV stats trained especially. The team I desire is as follows:
Starmie (Water/Psychic)- Special Attack, Speed
Jolteon (Electric)- Special Attack
Alakazam(Psychic)- Special Attack
Rhydon (Ground/Rock)- Attack, Defence
Hitmonlee (Fighting)- Attack, Special Defence
Mamoswine(Ice/Ground)- Hit Points, Attack
I also wouldn't mind catching all that I can catch in the Johto reigion before I start playing through Kanto.
I'll need some people to help me out with the Johto Pokédex though.

Also on the topic of real life, the past few days (Thursday, Friday, Saturday) have been fantastic.
Unfortunately, some of the basis of the past few days have not been so.
Thursday, Debbie Grammatopoulos and Tom Gaffney broke up. I won't go into it. I offered Tom my place to stay for the night, as comfort and friends is what I would want in a similar situation. We played lots of Pokémon and stuff, and it was fun. The next day, we walked basically everywhere. We walked to Subway, back to my house, then to Tom's house, all with our Pokéwalkers. We then semi-walked to town, and then we got on a bus. We met up with Hannah, Joe, Kieran, Sherelle and Muth. We did nothing for a while, and it was awesome. We played Pokémon and stuff, and it was awesome. We then all walked Hannah to work. We then decided to go to Hive for a few hours, while Tom and I waited for Hannah to finish work, as Hannah and I were staying at his that night. On the way, we found a large bamboo stick, and it was lovely. We eventually broke it into three parts, and put each part under the stairwell of Hive. We played some games, including an entire chapter of Left 4 Dead 2. It was amazing.
Afterward, Joe and Sherelle left, and Kieran and I had an epic sword fight with the bamboo, which I won (because I am Kuma, Bear Warlord). Muth then left for his train, and Tom and I walked Kieran to the J1 bus stop. Tom and I had been informed that Hannah was having dinner with relatives, and she would be dropped off at Tom's house later that night. Tom and I were picked up from Hindmarsh Square by his mother, and it was nice.
Tom and I went on the internet and played more Pokémon and stuff, and then Hannah arrived! Tom's mum made a nice risotto and we made some tea, and it was lovely.
We got into bed, watched 2:37 (worth watching) and fell asleep watching Ponyo.

We woke up pretty early, as Tom had to work. Hannah and I walked to town, and stuff. We got breakfast in HJ's, and then I left.
Brelsford came over,and Patrick did soon after. We played some Brawl and Mario Kart, and then went to Glenunga. We found pots in the dumpster thing, and threw them off the top of the fire escape, and it was fucking awesome. We also found a Glenunga International High School sign which is battered and obviously disused. Who wants to throw that off with me?
Patrick came over afterward, and we watched Fight Club, and then his father arrived.
Real Life is epic.

Emotions
Lately, I have been okay, but as always there's a conflict, and as per-usual, it's a conflict with my want to start seeing a girl, to gain something of an emotional attachment that I long for.
On Formspring, someone confessed to liking me, and as one would, they'd try and work out who said anonymous person was. I've had suspicions about one individual, but as of last night, those suspicions have turned to shit.
I also like a girl. I do, and I wish that I didn't.
Said girl is a close friend of mine, and I convinced myself I didn't like her once before. It's simply a conflict within myself, that only I can resolve.

I've also had more breakdowns over little things, but it's okay, my counselor gave me a meditation CD.




That's all.
Love.

(n)ight

4/4

I want to go out tomorrow, I really do. I may go out, and get away from this depressing house, because we all know how much I hate being alone.

There's two ways I can be alone.

• Without company, psychically alone
• Emotionally solitary.

The latter is what I feel most of the time. Muth knows how dangerous feeling like this is for me. I wish everyone else did too.

I hate leaving the house, but i hate staying home. It's depressing here. It's lonely.
I could never live alone, ever.

The fourth thing I want out of life, is to retire, and die in Scotland. Unfortunately, this won't be achieved if I'm living in Scotland alone.

(e)vening

3/4

For the most part, my feelings toward people are pretty neutral. Even if you've wronged me, and I don't talk to you, I won't dislike you, I'll simply lose respect for you, and see you simply as "no-one". In total, there are only five people I actually hate. My parents, my mothers husband, a girl I saw for a while, and an ex-girlfriend. Things with my views toward people have been crazy. There's a girl that I like, and then there's three other girls also. The three other girls, my feelings flicker for them. At times I like them, and at times I see them as really close friends. It's all pretty disorientating.
Fuck.
It's not the nicest thing to be going through.

The third thing I want out of life, is simplicity, where everything is care free.

(a)fternoon

2/4

If we did not have feelings, we would be robots. I do not think this is a good thing. We would live through an issue of commands, most likely, the same commands each day. Being human is horrible but other humans make it worth something. They interact with your feelings, make you someone, make you something. Emotions are bad, we know, but they are also good. They teach you about yourself, about the world, and about other people. It is because of feelings, that we are human.

Earth is constantly changing. Technology, medicine, politics, ideas. These things, that everyday people have no control over, and only the few do. The few people who control politics, medicine, media, technology, they also control us to an extent. They place the barriers on what we can do, when we can do it, where we can do it and how we can do it. Australia was originally a colony for British Prisoners, and now, to an extent, it's a prison to everyone. No one, anywhere can do exactly what they want, whenever, wherever and however they want to.
My second goal in life is to get absolute freedom.

(m)orning

This will be the first in a four part blog. This blog, and the following three, titled "(a)fternoon", "(e)vening" and "(n)ight" respectively will be based around my views on the world, my views on humanity, and my emotional state. If you don't like what you read, fuck off.

1/4

Last night (19/3/2010) opened my eyes to a lot of things. People live for dramatics, it's natural. People live in constant curiosity. People don't care about you, from the day you leave the womb, you are alone.

I live in constant pain, but I don't care. The pain is familiar, it is welcoming. It is well known, while I push away whatever happiness I feel, because it is new to me. Pain keeps me feeling human, and whilst it doesn't keep me happy, or anything like that, it gives me a sense of belonging, as I know there are other people in this world who feel like I feel. Who hurt like I hurt
If I can achieve anything in my life, I want to make at least one person stop hurting. If I can make one person stop hurting, I will have that sense of accomplishment, and I will die happy.

It seems as though I have my own emotions, as well as passive emotions. I feel my own feelings, but I feel those of others also. I'm usually cheery around friends, if they're cheery. If everyone's quiet, I'm sad. Most of the time though, I've got my own feelings. It's crazy.

Do I get Courtney Points for mentioning Courtney in a blog title?

Post #50.
I've come a long way.

FUCK, WHY IS THIS IN TIMES? I CHANGED IT TO FUCKING ARIAL, AND WHY IS IT SO BIG?
There we go.

Today is Monday. Monday is a bad day. Fortunately, today is a good Monday, as is every second Monday. Who doesn't like pay days?
I bought Horny Goat Weed tea, and more Chai Tea, and man, Horny Goat Weed tea is an amazing tasting aphrodisiac. I also bought a new shirt.

I basically gave up on my health essay. It's 800 words on something I don't really find interest in. Sure, Aboriginal Health is a pretty big issue, but it's not interesting. I wrote a paragraph about why I gave up, and my teacher was less than impressed.

Truth is, I can't think straight. My sleeping pattern is really crazy right now. I wouldn't be surprised if I don't get marked too well for this to be honest. As I mentioned at the start of the term, my psychological well being is the most important thing to me. I would prefer it if that wasn't the case, but unfortunately it has to be this way. If my psychological state was constantly like it is now, I'd be better off dropping out and finding a job. I'm looking to get help, and I'm hoping whoever I see will help out a bit. You can ask what's wrong if you really do care, or even if you're just curious, and I won't lie about it, but there's no guarantee that you'll get a straight answer either.

I hate that I can write so well in my blogs, but when it comes to school work, it's poor. Some things in school really interest me, like English or Psychology, but most bore me.

That's enough emotional shit.
Bleurgh.

Last time I wrote a blog, it was Thursday.
Let's go over Friday, and my weekend.

FRIDAY

Friday morning was horrid. I was angry. I was pissed off. I was steaming.
I stayed home from school, but Muth talked me into coming into town with him. We met at the, well I guess you could call it an intersection, of Gawler Place and Rundle Mall, where a busker had a large crowd. He was one of those stunt guys, who juggle well and tell jokes. Mostly Busker jokes are lame, but this guy was good. I gave him money, he was that good. Muth had a Rebel Sports gift card, so he bought lots of sweat bands, and a gridiron ball. We then proceeded to OZNET, a new internet cafe, alike to Rush and Hive, but OZNET wasn't all that great. Chris, Matt and Jeremy ended up coming down to OZNET for a while, and then we all left. Hannah and Ella came, and then Muth and Jeremy, and I think Matt did too left, and I was left with Chris, Hannah and Ella.
Cameron and Alec were out the front of HJ's, so I changed crowds. Cameron was bringing a group up to The Apartment, to watch the premiere of the final cut, of THE COUNCIL OF THE LORDS. No one took our heed, so Cameron and I left, to go meet up with Kirsten, and her friend, Courtney. They were drinking, and as a result, so was I. Cameron, being straight edge, was not drinking. We were in a park, somewhere in Victoria Square where there were street artists, and a shit auto-DJ. We sat around for a while, and I was relitivly quite, as I am round new people.Later on, we went walking, basically everywhere. We came back, after a while, and there was people scribbling, and as a result, Courtney and Kirsten got their breasts signed. This turned into a flurry of drawing on everyone, I drew the kanji for bear on Courtney's breast, and my arm, and somewhere on Kirsten I believe.
We then went walking. We never looked back. Courtney and I ended up walking holding hands, and this actually made me really happy. We went to the Apartment, got yelled at, saw TJ, went to see the Northern lights, drank more, and then, Cameron and I left, as the last bus was coming.
I slept at Camerons.
Night was good.

SATURDAY

Waking up at Camerons was lovely. We got some food, sat around and watched the final cut of THE COUNCIL OF THE LORDS. We then decided to watch a movie, so we decided on watching Gamer, some really weird movie based in the future, where video games are really serious. It was really trippy, and like an irl Counterstrike. I ended up going home, eventually, and I sat at home playing Wii. That night, I talked to Courtney on the telephone, from about 1am, to 5:30am. I had an amazing conversation, and then my sleeping pattern screwed up.

SUNDAY

Nothing of interest.

Love.

School.

Many students hate school, just because it is tedious, and just generally, school. That's no reason to hate school in my opinion.

I hate school, because it's an unhealthy enviroment for me. It's agonising, it's infuriating, and it's pointless. When I had my initial interview at Glenunga International High School, they wanted to put be back into year ten, and in reponce I assured them I would do work, and do it work. That was my intention, and that was my headspace at the time. Now I do little work, I procrastinate, and I get angry at the little things.
Sounds like last year actually.
Last year, at Underdale High School, I actually begged them to put be back into year nine, or hold me back at least. They ultimately refused, making me pretty angry. Now at GIHS, I've requested multiple times to go back into year ten, to better my chances, and to relieve me of lot of stress. They keep saying they'll have to talk about it. I wonder if they know how angry this makes me.
There's an interview Monday about it, I'm not going to school until then. I'm not going to waste my time.

Anger was an emotion I thought I left behind, and maybe I did leave it behind. Once again, I'm consumed by anger. Mentions of certain people's names are a instant trigger. School is enraging, as well as depressing, this is why school isn't a healthy enviroment for me.
The most important thing to me is my mental health, and psychological well being. I'm not going to put either at harm, even if it means puting my education at risk.

I feel nausious, I feel angry, and I feel tired.
I'm going back to sleep.

I trusted you,

I do wish I could visit places like this.

I do wish I could escape from this island.

I also love the photography of Emily Horne.

Find Emily Horne's photography at http://asofterworld.com/ and http://www.flickr.com/photos/febhorne/

Man, this weekend has been so epic. Seems like my weekends start shit and end on a high note.

Friday night was so bad. I was in town, and I was really really sad. I don't even know why, but I was anti-social, withdrawn, and upset. It only got worse when I bumped into Nadia. I don't even know why I got this way, it's probably just that I intended on fixing things with her, and every time I tried talking to her about it, it was as if she didn't care at all (one word answers, lack of interest, etc.), and this pissed me off so much. Then, when she was asking if I would be in town Friday night, when it seemed as though she were interested, I didn't care at all. Operation Avoid Nadia was going really well, until I withdrew myself, and she saw me. Chris, Matt, Joe, Ella & Emma were with me by this point, and I was talking to them about Operation Avoid Nadia and how it were succeeding so far, and then she comes past at the wrong time. Chris decides to yell at her, and I'm sitting there, laughing, but also what the fucking, and regretting what I said (which is rare since I hardly show regret). I then just left on my own, intending to go home. Instead I call Nadia, asking to see her. It may come as no surprise that she did not want to see me, but after saying she might, and then denying, that's what pissed me off the most. She then proceeded to say "You and your friends can fuck off." It's not that she told me to fuck off, because I get that all the time, but the fact that she told me friends to fuck off, that's what pissed me off the most. I will not tolerate someone who insults those who keep my misery at bay. If a friend, tells a friend to fuck off etc. I will favor the closer friend.

Nadia's a fucking idiot, I do not care. Fuck you.

I've learnt things from this, so it wasn't a few weeks wasted.

DON'T TRUST IDIOTS

After I left town, I was so fucking angry. I wanted to smash something, or someone. I don't know, but I needed to vent, or get out of the house, or something. My brother stayed the weekend, so that didn't help at all. I hinted to Muth, that I did not want to stay here tonight, and as Muth regularly does, he took the hint, and came to pick me up (as catching trains to Sailsbury after the sunset boasts one has a death wish). As soon as Muth arrived, my mood lifted. I was still sad, and I still had a bit of anger, but it was no where near as bad as before. We drove back to his place of residence, and I saw one of those horrible Save The Unborn election posters, and someone had stuck a sticker on it saying PRO CHOICE and I laughed a fair bit. Most of what we did for the night, as per usual, was watch something on the interwebs, and play games (I played Empire Earth II a fair bit). We also started planning a holiday to take place in the Mid Year/Semester Break Holidays, as a breather, and a relaxation getaway. the idea is Yorke Peninsula, at a shack down on Point Turton (if you have any inquiries, message me on Facebook or something). Eventually, we slept. The next morning, we did more planning, and even got an aproxamate price on one of the shack's we were quite interested in (http://www.takeabreak.com.au/PointTurton/YorkePeninsula/TIDAL-RETREAT-62.htm). Muth then drove us to McDonalds, as he had work, we had more chattin', and then I caught the train home. I saw Alistair in town, and it turns out he was catching my bus (well, I saw him at my bus stop, getting onto my bus, so, ._.) and we chatted and shit on the bus, and we even walked together in the rain, as he lives near school. 'twas nice.

Sunday and Monday, I might as well put into one paragraph, as I did late Friday night and Saturday.

The past 27 hours were devoted to the filming of the epic, COUNCIL OF THE LORDS, which was based on The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

Link (played by Cameron) was entrusted the Master Sword by the Council of the Lords (consisting of Patrick Eustace, Cedric, Patrick Waite, myself, and James Rudd), so Link can rid the Realm of Hyrule from the Great King of Evil. Link takes on this mighty task, and leaves to save Hyrule.

When leaving his home, Kokiri Forest, Link is stopped by childhood friend, Saria (played incredibly well by Stephanie Marlow). Saria gives Link her ocarina, and teaches him a song, as a memento to remember her by.

Link travels the plains of Hyrule for days on end, when, out of the woods, he sees the Great King of Evil (played by James Rudd), who flees, after dispatching his gaurd, The Bear Warlord, Kuma (you may have guessed, played by me). Link and Kuma engage in an epic fight, which two cows are the only witnesses to. It appears as though Kuma has the upper hand, relying greatly upon brute strength to dispatch Link, but Link uses this to his advantage, and dispatches Kuma swiftly, when he leaves himself open (;________;). Link looks up into the sky, after his first victory against a minion of The Great King of Evil (SCHOOL CUT END) and then runs into the wood after The Great King of Evil.

Link emerges from the wood, by a set of railway tracks. The area is dense with trees, and there is no way to tell where The Great King of Evil fled to, but then Link hears a sound coming from a tunnel to the North. Link goes into investigate. As it happens, the tunnel was empty, but even then, Link has his suspicions. He investigates the empty, dark tunnel, and then, The Great King of Evil in the middle of the tunnel. Link unsheathes the Master Sword, throws his scabbard down, and rushes at The Great King of Evil. The Great King of Evil readies a stance, revealing his talon, and he advances Link wish his staff in hand. Link tries using an aggressive assault, as Kuma did against Link. Link knocks The Great King of Evil's staff out of his hands, rendering him basically defenseless, aside from his talon. The Great King of Evil slashes at Link with his talon, and Link veers to the side, but does get three cuts on his cheek. Link takes a massive, vertical swing at The Great King of Evil, but The Great King of Evil catches the blade in midair, yanks it out of Link's hands, and tosses it to the side of the tunnel. Link then steps back, and remembers the ocarina given to him by Saria. He takes it out, and plays the song he was taught. The Great King of Evil covers his ears, and bellows screams of agony. Link takes this moment, to rush The Great King of Evil into a wall, and Link pummels him to death, with his own bare hands, covering him in blood in the process (YOUTUBE CUT END).

I don't think I've ever done anything this epic.

This is copyrighted and shit, so don't go thinking you can steal it and such. IDIOTS.

Recently, my attitude toward one of my close friends has changed. I haven't noticed it until now, and the fact that it's changed, pisses me off. Sure, he pisses me off a bit, but even then, he's still one of my closest friends. I probably get to aggitated by the fact that he's kind of seeing the girl I really like, and being a bit of a dick about it, and breaking the first rule, but, it's not my place to get involved. I think it's fucked to be honest.

I don't even want to like this girl so much, but fuck, I do anyway. This has all pissed me off so much, and there's not a lot I can do about it, if there's anything I can do at all.

I'm going to try installing Empire Earth II again.

Love.

Dear Vienna

I've had my cup of coffee, I have music, I have my glasses, and I also have my beanie.

It's time to write a blog.

Today (3/3/2010), was my day off from school. I took the day, to rest. Lately, as some would know, I've been pretty sad lately, and incredibly tense. Today, was spent watching Planetes, and as a result, it made me a little more sad, but also a little happier, it also helped me unwind.

It's a really nice anime, based in 2075/2076, when space debris, due to space station construction, and fuel tanks being jettisoned etc. has become a major problem. There's numerous teams of Debris Haulers, run by corporate companies, who go out and collect this space debris. Planetes follows the story of one of these teams, known as the Half Section. It's part Science Fiction, part drama, and part romance. It's really good, and I do recommend you check it out.

Lately, there's been a shit load going through my mind.

My feelings toward certain people, friendships which I've wrecked, things I've said, school.

It's all getting to me.

I'm sick of it.

I want out.

I want freedom.

I want, more than anything, simplicity.

I don't care.

Ask me anything.

I'll answer with complete honesty.

Kiss me hard,

HEY GUIZE, LET'S GO TO MASLIN BEACH~

I think I'll just post all my blogs in Arial or Verdana from now on.

Um, the past few days have been really good.

Friday night, as per usual, was spent in the city. This time, I was with Cameron, Emiljia, and for a part of the night, Patrick, Stephanie, Christopher, Joseph, Ella, Emma, Matthew, some some year nine from school, I suspect to be Left4Dead from MySpace. The collection of people, which was Christopher through to the year nine I suspect to be Let4Dead from MySpace left, at around five o'clock, which left Cameron, Stephanie, Patrick, and myself. We later decided to rendezvous with Emiljia, which was then we decided to stroll. Patrick had a "surprise" for Stephanie, which was to see the Northern Lights on North Terrace, and he asked us not to accompany him. He made the fatal flaw of telling me what said surprise was, so Emiljia, Cameron and I decided to tag along, at a distance.

On the way to North Terrace, some young men, or European deceent (more commonly known as Wogs) began harassing Cameron and myself, as we were with Emiljia, who they declared as a "beautiful lady". Sure, they're right, but to abuse us because of who we associate with, that's low. Even then, they called Cameron and I emo, bus we ignored this, and continued on our merry way to North Terrace. We could not see Patrick or Stephanie at first, so we decided to strut along North Terrace, trying to locate the pair. We sat for a bit, playing Cameron's Ocarina, and that was cool. An Afghan woman asked if we knew where the "Uni Bar" was, as we were near one of the many, many entrances to The University of Adelaide, and Emiljia, with her good nature, and good heart and stuff, offered to take this Afghan woman to the Uni Bar. Cameron and I, being gentlemen, accompanied her. Cameron received a telephone call from his father, asking if he and his friends wished to come and have some drinks at the General Havelock Hotel, on Hutt Street. We then decided to scrap the idea of trying to find Patrick and Stephanie, and we head to the bar.

We turned down From Street, and who do we see? Patrick and Stephanie of course. I tried to convince them to ignore the Northern Lights, and come with us to the Havelock, but no. Patrick's stubborn and such. Oh well. It was out of our hands. Emiljia was then complaining she was thirsty, so she bought a two litre juice. After some time walking, we soon arrived at the Havelock, and we sat with Cameron's family, and drank juice, and ate the leftovers of a platter. Emiljia soon left, which gave Cameron and I time to chats, and rape on BBS. Friday night.

Saturday wasn't as good, but really good all the same. I spent the day with Matthew James Muth. He, as always, drove me to the doctors. We then returned to my place or residence, and I played Wii, and we ate cake. We then decided to drive to Dave's house, so Muth could collect a junker (semi-working computer) and tune up Dave's. We then returned to my place of residence, and sat around there (I played Wii).

Saturday was pretty lazy.

Friday night was amazing.

Bars every Friday night imo.

There's been something on my mind. It doesn't take a genius to work out what's on my mind.

The same dilemma runs through my head. To proceed, or not to. I want to disregard the risk, but I can't, it's not like me. I can't reveal my feelings, as that would prove dangerous.

You know who you are.

Talk to me.

Turn up the radio.

Macalania Woods

Someone should take me there.

I'd like to go there.

Fuck the fiends, it'd be nice.

Once again, I'm single, just like it should be. I fucked up pretty bad, and it all started over something tiny, and insignificant. Nadia read my blog, Prosperi-T, posted on the eighteenth of February, before her and I even started dating. Here's what she was enraged by:

"People would know I've developed feelings for a girl, and if you're one of the people who didn't, I'm sure it doesn't come as a surprise.

I now suspect I may have feelings for two other girls also. One' a recent addition in my life, and the other is a friend who I've come close to.

Prosperi-T to whoever guesses whom!"

Go figure.

It's my fault, sure, but it's not my fault that Nadia acted this way, over something I felt before we even began to date. Sure, I still do have feelings for one of the two, and, to a degree, Nadia herself, but, fuck it.

I'm not in a position to be in a relationship. This misery won't go away.

I'm not going to bring someone's mood because of it.

I'm still a depressive fuck.

I'm failing school.

I'm not doing work.

Pass the scotch.

Don't be.

I think, that I'm generally unhappy. I think, being comfortable is being sad. I don't like feeling like this, but as it happens, this is my most common emotion.

It's normal for me to be sad, I've learnt that over the years. I think being sad comes with being alone. Sure, I'm happy, on occasion, but in the long run, I'm a sad person.

Friends make me happy, being occupied makes me happy, Nadia makes me happy, being bored leaves me in thought, and makes me sad.

Naturally, no one likes being sad, but I'm used to it. Ironic in a way, I've grown accustomed to a feeling I hate.

This isn't over baby,

Don't believe a word they said.

I don't even know anymore.

It's Saturday the 20th of February, and I'm tired.

I have a cup of tea, (yup, the nice one) and I'm considering a shower.

I've also broken Lent. Go me!

This weekend is purely for homework, and sleeping, so don't ask me to go out.

I'll be in town today, to survey people on their views of Scientology, and interviewing a custodian of the Church of Scientology, and a priest about the "religion."

My computer though, won't print the survey, so either someone with a printer will have to print fifteen copies of said survey out for me, or I'll have to hand write fifteen copies of said survey.

Uh, last night was the opening night of the Adelaide Fringe 2010. People were all like "It'll be so much fun!" but it wasn't. I inhaled copious amounts of smoke, thanks to passive smoking, I got spat on, and I dislike crowds.

Although, the night wasn't in vain. I spent the night with a girl. Her name is Nadia Louise Sack.

If it wasn't for her, I probably would have just gone home, or not even gone at all.

Oh, and of about eleven hours ago, I'm dating her.

Epic win!

:]

Oh, Muth, how was your night after you left and I didn't call you?

:3

My tea is gone, and I am hungry, and I need to pee, and I want to shower.

LOVE~~

Prosperi-T

I suggest you all try it from your nearest T-Bar, or contact me while I've still got some.

Thanks Debbeh for introducing it to me.

Well, I've completed fourteen days at Gelnunga International High School. So far, so good.

People are nice. Teachers are different. Subjects are good.

Five minute walk from home is better.

>:]

Odds are, this post will just be a log of my thoughts.

Recently, I've been sad. My post on the fifteenth may explain this a small bit. This sadness has gotten me down a lot, and I've been falling behind on school work.

This weekend has been set aside for homework, and sleeping.

Um, I've finally got a haircut, so that means all three of my New Years Resolutions have been completed.

Epic.

There's a dimly lit photo on Facebook of my new haircut, if you're at all interested.

I've been told I look cute with it, and it looks better.

People would know I've developed feelings for a girl, and if you're one of the people who didn't, I'm sure it doesn't come as a surprise.

I now suspect I may have feelings for two other girls also. One' a recent addition in my life, and the other is a friend who I've come close to.

Prosperi-T to whoever guesses whom!

Um, my back really hurts.

This blog's shit.

Love.