Yeah, pasta.

I've thought about a lot of things today, and none of them have been all too pleasant. I realized how easy some things can irritate me, how certain people make me feel, and that I hate things, really easily. I miss things I've never had, and I want things I've thrown away. It seems as though my life is one massive mistake, a never ending contradiction.

This blog will be about my angst (insert LiveJournal joke).

I feel alone most of the time (when I'm not, I'm in the presence of a few particular people), and as weird as it sounds, I feel as though most of my issues would seem some what irrelevant if I had a girlfriend. Lately I've been longing for that feeling of "being with" someone. I don't really know why, I guess I just want that connection. I know my track record with dating is awfully pitiful, and by no means am I proud of it, but, yeah. I don't know.

Most of you would know that I grew up resenting my father, and as a result I've never had a real father figure. I walk home from town some times, and if I catch a different bus from town, I walk through a park. Both ways, I often see fathers with their son's, and I get sad. Because I've never had a father figure, I don't know what to expect, but I know what I'd like. That's why I'm going to be the fucking greatest dad ever.

All in good time.

Sometimes I think it would be good if everything started all over again. In the anime, The Big O, all the citizen's of Paradigm City (a fictional city, main setting for the show) lost all their memories forty years before the beginning of the series. I wish something like that would happen in real life. Everyone would forget everything they ever knew, all their relationships, and everything. Sure, we'd be able to get some kind of lingering feeling from things like Facebook, and photos, but we'd just start fresh. Initially we'd find comfort in each other due to the loss of everything, and grudges we'd have now would be gone. Sure, we'd be alone, but we'd come together quite quickly.

I'm going to bed now, or soon, and watching 5 Centimeters Per Second. It's sad, and that's what I want right now.

Rage

My own demons are those fueled by anger. This is why I am not at school, and probably won't be for the rest of the week. Whoever has seen me at my peak knows about what I become. Some people (or if you read the earlier blogs) will know about Demi-Justin. Demi-Justin and Omni-Justin (the name for the calm Justin) have merged into one being now, which is incredibly unfortunate.

I want to be around you, when you're at your worst. When your anger is uncontrollable, that's, when I want to be around you most.

I don't understand, please elaborate.

This was a Formspring Comment I replied to about twenty minutes ago. I don't understand why someone would want to be around such a monster, or around me at all.

Some friends and I decided that we'd beat our fears this year, and sure, I can beat my fear of heights, but the fear of myself won't be beaten all too easily.

Everything seems to intimidate him,

Fact: The title has nothing to do with this blog, it's just been a long time simce I've listened to Enter Shikari

Well, I'm in town because home is boring, and I'm not meeting anyone until about 1:30, so for the time being I'm in OZ Net.

I'll start things off with a bit of controversy, I'm starting things off regarding For Your Health.
Note, this isn't an attack against the band, or it's close fans (eg Beth). I think it's about time that I explain that status I posted about a fortnight ago (FYH gives me a bad impression of straight edge kids), so here it is:
Some people took that status as "I don't like straight edge people, so I don't like FYH", but that is not the case. FYH does give me a bad impression of straight edge, but that's because of the way they act. I have nothing against the members for being edge, and I have nothing against them at all. The exception to this is, unless they've something against me, or abused me personally. The hositilty between FYH, and the haters has gone on enough, as it had gone on long enough. Sure, I initated it, and this is the only thing I regret. I'd appretiate some kind of nuetrality, but that's up to the members of FYH.
In no way is this an apology, so don't take it as one, it's mearly an explination. Don't expect me to apologize either.
I still want my four-hundred posters though.

PSYCHJUSTIN
Alot of this FYH stuff has gotten me pretty angry lately, but not all of my rage was on behalf of FYH.

We'd really appreciate it if you stopped hanging round with Steph because we don't want your monotoned voice lurking around us.

Such demanding requests, which I'll be choosing to ignore.
You can't tell me who I can and cannot associate with, and even then, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't hang around Steph whilst she's with For Your Health and stuff anyway.
Good day.

Figure one, a formspring "question" recieved Friday night.

Normally, I accept abuse, but this is just too far. This person had the nerve to tell me who I can and cannot be friends with. Sure, Clare did the same thing while her and I were dating last year, but not to the extent that this person did.After I read this, I was actually shaking with rage, and as I type this now, I can also feel an onset of anger.

He said 'You' meaning he was referring to me, you know, the person that stated who they were. School really isn't your thing, I understand that not everyone can be intelligent, but the rationality of a 5 year old shouldn't be commonplace for a 16 year old by FurYurHelth

I'm shaking, but not in fear.
You should keep your noses out of places where they're not welcome.

Figure two, a "question" left by FYH sometime during Saturday

Now, most of you would know how much I hate things like this. Turns out when I started at Glenunga, they begun asking around about me, because they didn't think to ask me myself.

Anger is unhealthy as it is, and thankfully, not many people have born witness to me at the peak of my rage, but if this hostility continues with FYH it will be unleashed, beyond any control I have put in place.

Love.

Oh wow,

This whole no-having-internet-at-home-unless-I-succumb-to-dial-up thing is going great!

I've been sitting in my room lots, watching anime, and listening to music. I've just stopped playing HeartGold because it's kind of boring now.

Oh, I've found something fantastic in the anime department.

Everybody, meet Makoto Shinkai:

He's the guy who's behind three of my favorite movies at the moment,

5 Centimeters Per Second/

She and Her Cat/Kanojo to Kanojo no neko (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBD5D040D44)

The Place Promised in Our Early Days

Uh, they're pretty fucking amazing.

I'M GOING TO GO AND CRY U GUIZE

or something

I'm kind of

Hungry.

I need to get my usb from Gaffney.



Oh, Anon isn't the internet's hate machine anymore.
In response to some Formpsring questions I've been receiving, I'm calling FYH the internet's hate machine.


Oh, and the internet has lost a lot of it's appeal.

Oh, hello.
 
I thought I'd let the internet know that this is now an international blog, as I have readers from Europe and the USA.
 
Hello to:

• New York, Brooklyn
• California, Palo Alto
• New Jersey, Denville
• Maine, Bangor
• Sweeden, Bromma
• Poland, Rzeszow
• Ukraine, Sumy
• Turkey, Mugla

 
Oh, need I mention the visits from Australia (Adelaide, Perth, Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane)?
 
 
 
Who ever views my blog using IE, upgrade damnit.

---

Find it on Domain.com.au Need a new place to live?

hobby:

Mocking For Your Health.
It seems mocking FYH is the new social fad, and we don't care. I'm normally against fads, but this one I am a full part of.
My involvement began on Thursday, when upon arriving at the dreaded educational institution, I saw a piece of paper saying FOR YOUR HEALTH, to which I facepalmed, and continued walking. I went inside the main building, and saw the same piece of paper stuck everywhere.
Cue Rage.

Oh, since then things have been fine.

Friday
Friday was the first of four days spent handing out resumes. Basically, I'm trying to find a job of 25+ hours, in order for me to leave school for the remainder of the year. Muth joined me for the day, leaving his car at my house, then walking with me into the city. We met up with Jono and Tom later, as with Hannah, Ella, Mickey, Chris, Debbie and Steph later. Resumes were handed out, and chilling was had. Oh, Nick came too, and then everyone left except for Debbie, Steph, Muth, Nick and I. We were standing outside the train station for quite some time, waiting for some of Muth's university friends, because they were spending all their hard earned money on alcohol at bars, and destroying their livers. Yay! Uh, I walked around with Debbie and Steph for a while afterwards, because Nick left, and Muth went to go drinking.
Saturday
Saturday was dandy.
Uh, I went to town and handed out more resumes. I saw Debbie and Steph in town, and Debbie and I went to the museum. The exhibit we saw, Before and After Science is now gone.
Sunday
More resumes. Yeah.
Oh, I saw Chris and Arlen.
And Megan for a bit.
Today
Nothing of interest happened, except more resumes.



PSYCHJUSTIN
Oh wow! I'm introducing a name for the emotional part of my blog, PSYCHJUSTIN. Basically, It's a name. It's still emotional, and now it's also hardcore.

As stated in my previous blog, things have been weird ever since I returned from that camping trip. Now I'm fixing things.
Ever since we returned, I avoided Steph, for no real reason at all. Sure, things were said, and they did hurt, but that didn't excuse me for how I was acting. Now, we're talking again, which is good. We've agreed that alcohol was a bad idea for the trip, and I stand by that.

These thoughts in my head probably will bring about my end. I'm thinking about things I want, and things I need. What I want and what I need are basically the same. Yeah, fuck.


Oh, whoever still uses IE to view my blog, get out.