NOTE: This won't be a happy blog.
Well, by now, I'd assume I'd be feeling alot more like I was Monday night, and Tuesday. I asked Bethany, what had to be asked, and that was relieving, but now, I feel empty. I've begun moving on from Beth, which is good, I suppose, but it does leave me feeling unfamiliar.
Recently, it's been so depressing around me, that sadness has become familiar, and happiness is unknown to me.
When I did achieve happiness, it was brief. It felt strange, so I subconciously pushed it away, and I'm left with this cold misery inside, which is familiar.
This is not who I want to be.
Fix me.
Also, recently, I've been acting slightly negitive towards those whom I'm close to. I've been a prick, a bastard, a douche, and an arse, among many other things which I try not to be. I'm sorry, to those I might have hurt, or who've been effected by this recent turn of events. I'm also sorry, to myself. I've turned myself into what I try to stand up against.
One friend told me that the path I take to something doesn't matter, so long as I reach my goal. I disagree with this friend. In this case, she was refering to my goal of happiness. I care more about how I achieve it, than actually achieving it. I care about my actions toward people, and a majority of the time I'll be a positive toward you, but on the off-chance that I'm not, it's Demi-Justin, or you just deserve it. There are things I regret doing in my life, in my quest for happiness, but when I look back, they were for the better. Yes, even the Clare/Catherine period.
Relating, I'm coming to another period in my life, where people who are my friends stand out, and those who aren't, well, don't. This is where my real friends, not the people who claim to be, are there for me.
I'm hungry, and, honestly, I want to cry.
As much love as I can muster.
<33
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