"Fireflies - Owl City" rewrite

THE DAN SONG - MR. CHRIS AND MRS. JUSTIN
(sung to the tune of Fireflies, obv.)

You would not believe your eyes,
If Chris was a kangaroo,
And he stroked his cock and covered you in goo,
And showed you his goatse too,
While you ready the lube,
Get a glove or a condom and slide it in!


I'd like to make myself believe,
That Chris is human,
It's hard to say I'm into beastiality,
Cause his big fat cock is better than it seems.

And I'll get a thousand fucks,
All up my goatse ass,
It would be nice and make me cream
A jar firmly up my crack,
Shit dripping down my back,
Some corpses too,
Cause I'm a necrophiliac.

I'd like to make myself believe,
That Justin's asshole's smelly.
I'd love it tickle his goatse and eat his poo nuggets too,
And then suck his dick and give it a chew

Leave my ass dripping just a bit, (please ejaculate in my ear)
I feel like Clare a little bit, (keep jizzing in my ear)
Taking this cock every day, (please eat me out, my dear)
But it's so nice, I'll go insane.

To ten million throbbing cocks,
I'm weird 'cause I swallowed the lot,
I got cum in my eye and had a cry
But I'll know where the condoms are,
'cause I don't want Claremydia,
so let's have wet sex in the back of your car.

I'd like to make myself eat dickcheese,
With sauce, yes, plenty,
I'm sorry to say that my period has stained all of your teeth,
But hey it's not as bad as Clare's feeeet

I'd like to make myself believe that Dan the Skinhead loved cock,
It's hard to say that he has a nice bum,
but I'll fuck him and cover him in cum.

Dan would like to have sex with your niece,
But he'd go to jail and lose his virginity,
It's hard to say that his bald bald head,
Would fit up my goatse,
But then he could be the jar that I need

I'd like to make myself some tea,
But your penis is in my hand,
It's silly of me to drop the pot and scald your knob,
But I'll just drink my tea.