What a waste I am,

Let's give this blogging via e-mail thing a try. It's probably easier than going through the site, and using that little box.

Uh, first thing first, my past two days. Yesterday was so fucking horrible, I spent it alone, and that did tear me up a little bit. I've found that while I'm alone, my emotions attack themselves, and that puts me through a state which I call "Ruin," for whilst I'm in this state, I'm a wreck. I mope, I contemplate suicide, I just sit there, reflecting on what a horrible creature I've become, I die inside, but I can never cry. Sure, I made three more Stormtroopers, but it's only a short ammount of time with which I can distract myself. I'm actually begging, don't let me be alone for a whole day, I don't want to lose who I am anymore.

Today, was alright. The original plan was rendevous in town at eleven am, then head to the beach, but things changed. The rendevous time was postponed until twelve pm (which I only found out at eleven, when I was already in town), and instead of the beach, the plan was to stay in town. Imagine, a crowded city, for roughly six hours, in 40 degree heat. Not pretty! All that aside, the company was lovely. Hannah, Ella and Gemma do keep me from my "Ruin", for which, I love them.

Five days until the wedding. According to my aunt, Rachel (I think I'll just start refering to my parents by their first names. Their pretty fucking hopeless) refers to her partner as "Mr. Right Now", so that lets me wonder, why is she spending thousands of dollars, she supposidly doesn't have, on marrying some shmuck, knowing full well it's making Daniel and myself miserable, when she could be trying to make things right with us? She always said Daniel and I were the most important things to her, but she's contradicting herself. She doesn't care about my wellbeing, she doesn't give a flying fuck that I'm not emotionally stable, infact she's convinced herself that I'm not. Fuck you wishful thinking. Rachel can just fuck right off. I have no mother.

Well, uh, I've just basically said everything that's on my mind, that I can word, or that needed to be said.
Love.